Day 22:This weekend

I was home this weekend for Alex and Kate's Engagement party, which was good. I'm still a little nervous about being a bridesmaid and all. I've never done this before so I'm not exactly sure how these things go. Both her and Alex gave their bridal party some little trinkets as a way to thank them for being in the wedding. Alex gave his groomsmen and best man a round box that had chocolates in it and on top was a patch that said "World's Best Groomsman" and then best man. Kate gave all her bridesmaids and maid of honor books whose pages were cut out and stuffed with fake moss and stuff and it said thank you for being a bridesmaid. All in all it was a good night. Kate's parent's house is huge! I felt so out of place haha. When I left last night I drove past the house that was used in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Pretty cool!

Since I was home I went to church today also. I always look forward to church when I'm home. When I'm at school I miss being in God's House and seeing the way he has blessed the church so much. This morning I found out that one of the sinks in the woman's restroom downstairs was broken and was leaking, the floor was pretty puddly, so I decided to clean it up. I grabbed tons and tons of paper towels to dry up the floor and while I was trying to soak up the water as much as possible I was thinking about the church and how I have been a prat of it for so long and that I didn't want that to ever change. There are so many things going on in the church and I want to be a part of it all, but I can't. I'm at school half of the year and when I come back things have changed and I need to get used to it and blend again. That's one part I don't like about coming back, it's never the same. I think that can be both good and bad. Good because more people are finding the church and coming and bad because I don't know who they are and I can't get to know everyone and get used to things in a day. It seems that every time I come home and go to church I'm by myself. My brother has his friends from the youth group and I just feel that I'm kind of stuck in my age. Sure there are people that are AROUND my age, but thats saying oh they're 23, 24,22, but no one who is 20 that I can talk to about the things we might be going through. Kate and Alex are getting married and whenever I'm around when someone else is there they always discuss wedding things and some ideas they might have and I'm just standing there; I don't know what to say I honestly dont know anything about weddings, the bouqets, colors, ideas for bridal showers, bachelorette parties, all of that is over my head at this time in my life. Of course I can see my wedding and what it could look like, but that's all down the line. Sometimes I honestly feel..alone.

I wish I could go to my church more while I was at school, but it's just so hard. I have school work and then I have to make sure I wake up early enough to drive down here and then after drive back. When I think about it I just think it's a lot of work. I'm sure I could do it no problem every Sunday, but I don't and I don't have a good reason why I don't. There is one thing I'm sure about and that is as I get older and eventually graduate college and get married I want to keep going to my church, I don't want to leave. The more that I have thought about it the more I have come to realize that Park Ave is MY church. I can't see myself saying that about any other church, I can't imagine meeting new people who would be as great as the members at Park Ave. I want to be a part of all of the exciting changes going on and seeing all of the kids grow up loving God and growing in spirit. Last Summer I saw that a lot when I was helping out with the youth and I loved seeing the youngins learn about Christ and just loving it! It was awesome! I want to always see that. Pretty much my whole family is at Park Ave, I have known most of those people since I was born, they have seen me grow up and go to college. I want to stay there and see them every Sunday and know how they are rather than catching up with them for a few minutes asking "how are you?" "I'm good how are you?" "Oh I'm fine, how's school going?" "It's good" "Oh that's good!" It's the same conversation every time, I want to talk about something different and to know everything already. I can remember when i used to dread going to church, but as I have gotten older I have really grown and have come to love going to church and learning new things every Sunday even when it's a scripture I heard already, I always find something new that I didn't know before. I don't want to give that up. Sean and I agreed that if we get married we will continue to go to church and be involved, I can't see myself doing anything else, anywhere else other than PARK AVENUE CHRISTIAN CHURCH.

Til Next Time!

 Kate and Alex practicing cutting a cake :)

This is what gave her bridal party :)

 

Day 21: Grades

It's days like these that I wonder why I go to college and try. I just took my first Anatomy practical and lecture exam and I failed both of them. I have always had trouble with tests in school. I would do great on homework and class assignments but when it came to tests I just couldn't do it. Yeah there were some that I did good on and obviously I passed because I made it to college. I just wonder how I did it sometimes. I mean I stink at math and can barely take tests to pass a class. I just wonder why am I doing this? I mean already I won't graduate in 5 years, half is because I changed my major, but the other half is because I have had to retake classes and that has put me behind. I am anticipating graduating in the Spring of 2014, but if I fail again I'm afraid I'll be even more behind and have to stay longer. Maybe it's a good thing I changed my mind about becoming a nurse, if I'm like this it would probably take me a lot longer than it should just to get my certification. Instead I will graduate with my health promotion degree and work at a health company helping them promote healthy living, or I will find another job I am interested in. 

I have always been very hard on myself, I get stressed out about the simplest things and I cry whenever I'm stressed. I don't know why, it's just always been like that. I remember when I was a Senior in High School one of my teachers signed my yearbook and said I should not be so hard on myself, that I was smart and I didn't need to stress myself out more than needed. I found it funny that someone recognized how hard I am on myself. The reason I'm hard on myself is not really for my benefit. Yes I want a good job and be happy in life, but honestly I do it for other people. I do it for my parents, my grandparents, family in general, my teachers, all the people I know at my church, and people who have known me since I was young. I want people to be proud of me, not to be disappointed in the decisions I make or how I turn out. Whenever someone is disappointed in me I get heartbroken, I love helping people and especially making them happy. That's the reason why I am so hard on myself. There is no use in me trying to stop it because I know for sure it won't stop, that's just who I am.

Til Next Time!

Day 20: Maturity

When does maturity happen? At times I really think about this wondering if maybe I'm more mature than I am supposed to be. I'm 20 years old and a junior in college, but I don't act like a normal college student. Usually you hear about us college kids going out and partying at frat parties or going clubbing and getting drunk, but that isn't me. For some reason I am a very calm traditional gal. I like to goof around and be funny, but I know when too much is too much. I am comfortable being boring, I love going out and doing stuff with my boyfriend, but I'm not a party person. Heck I get tired by 12, I love sleeping which sometimes make me feel like an old person haha.

I honestly can't wait to settle down. I do want to travel and explore new things, but that's not crazy college kid status. I like the maturity I have, but I also feel that I should be able to goof around with some people but not so much that it gets out of hand. I try to remain calm in most situations I'm not one for cursing and when people do it too much it bugs me. I don't really see the point. Maybe it's just me. I was just thinking about this today when coming back from Costco.

Well on another note today is Super Bowl Sunday and at 3 I will be going to Sean's roommate's girlfriend's house to eat hang out and watch the game!

Til Next Time!

Day 19: College

This week is the 5th week aka midterms, well mine are technically next week. This week however I do have a debate due on Friday which I'm a so nervous for! Next week I have my first Anatomy Exam, an anatomy lab quiz and my first exam for my stress management class. After all of this I will be hanging out with 3 of my favorite girls from church Lynne, Kendra, and my aunt Mary. I'm super excited!!! Til then I have much studying and stressfulness coming my way. Sometimes I wonder why I live for this lol and how on earth I will survive? My third year hasn't gotten any easier and I still have two more years left. :/

My brother Adam has been texting me a lot, I know he really misses me and I miss him, he's sent me some pictures of what he had to draw for his science class and they look really good. I miss picking on that kid and being his cool older sister!

I guess that's it for this time!

Til Next Time!

 Here's my studying :/